Starting university, especially if you’re moving away from home, can feel like a big change. It’s likely you’ll meet lots of new people, this could be romantic partners, course mates, friends and flatmates.
Studying and living with new people with different needs, wants and backgrounds, can bring up disagreements and conflicts. Sometimes, you’ll be able to work through it. At other times, you might want to move on from the friendship or relationship. This is okay – in a new environment like university, finding your ‘people’ can take time.
If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable in any relationship, there are lots of organisations that can help you on our website.
How can you build healthy relationships at university?
-
- Communicate: Ask questions, listen, acknowledge, share, be open. There’s so much opportunity for communication at university – embrace it!
- Have fun: There’s lots of fun to be had at university. Enjoy, build memories and experiences. But also remember, the fun can be a little overwhelming at times. It’s ok to choose to stay in, sleep, study. There’s all different kinds of fun, and what might be fun for one person, is not necessarily fun for someone else.
- Respect boundaries, respect differences. Just as you might want to stay in and watch the entire series of Love Island, your housemate might want to go to an all night house party. Be confident in your own boundaries, while also respecting the boundaries of others.
- Disagreements happen – be fair and work through them, and try not to take it too personally – especially when it’s about who’s washed or not washed the dishes!
- Celebrate successes and support each other in tough times. For example, you may not get the grade you wanted, but your classmate has got the highest mark in the class. It’s ok to feel disappointed while also celebrating their achievement, or the other way round.
- Be honest and trust – this takes time, but if you hold boundaries, communicate, have fun and support each other, honesty and trust will follow
- Find some time for you. Always important. Go to the gym. Read a book. Lie on your bed eating a tub of ice cream. Make some time to do what makes you feel good. Doing this makes all the other relationships around you feel easier and it puts you in a better frame of mind to deal with conflict in a healthy way.
Consent at university
In May 2024, the NUS research showed that out of 2058 female students, 68% were subjected to sexual harassment and 7% experienced serious sexual assault while at university.
If something happens to you that makes you feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable, it’s important to remember you are not alone and there are lots of organisations that can support you.
Consent is a key part of any healthy relationship, and it’s important to understand, firstly, what it is.
Consent means willingly agreeing to something or choosing to take part in an activity without feeling pressured or forced. When it comes to sexual activity, consent is about both people agreeing to engage in it together. This can be an activity that takes place in person or online.
Everyone’s desires and boundaries are also different, and should always be discussed and respected before taking part in a sexual activity.
Healthy sexual relationships are the same as healthy non-sexual relationships; they respect boundaries and independence, and are built with trust, honesty, kindness, equality and fun.
At LMK, our workshops often discuss consent, but always come back to the same thing: only yes, means yes! And we use the FRIES mode to underpin all our scenarios.
✔️ F – Consent is Freely given
✔️ R – Consent is Reversible
✔️ I – Consent is Informed
✔️ E – Consent is Enthusiastic
✔️ S – Consent is Specific
Consent can change at any time, and it’s okay to withdraw it. If something happens at university that you have not consented to, we urge you to speak to someone. There are lots of organisations that can help you on the Get Help section of our website.
And remember…
Relationships should make you feel good, at least most of the time! You have the right to be respected, be comfortable and be happy in any relationship. If you are feeling alone at university, reach out to your family, your friends from home, or university support services. Find out more about healthy and unhealthy relationships here.