Valentine’s Day is coming up and whatever your relationship status (single, dating, or in a long-term relationship) the day can bring up a range of emotions, from excitement and happiness, to pressure and loneliness. There’s no one-size-fits-all for Valentine’s Day feelings. That’s why, whatever day of the year it is, it’s important to know what really makes a relationship healthy, so you can thrive in your relationships all year round, and have an enjoyable Valentine’s Day that feels right for you, too!
How to build healthy relationships
Regardless of who you are, or who you are with, or whether your main relationships are with your friends, your family members, your colleagues or your romantic partner, the key to a happy relationship is mutual respect, trust, boundaries and communication. Based on some of the 10 healthy relationship signs we talk about in our workshops, here’s a short guide on how to have healthy relationships.
Honesty and trust
A good relationship is built on mutual trust and honesty. In a healthy relationship you should feel confident in sharing your thoughts and feelings.
- Do I feel comfortable opening up to this person?
- Do I trust them, and do they trust me?
- Do we feel safe in each other’s presence?
- Do we own our actions and apologise if we have made a mistake?
- Do we communicate our needs to each other?
Respect
The foundation of any strong relationship.
- Do we respect each other’s boundaries and emotions?
- Do we listen and hear one another?
- Are we reliable, dependable and consistent?
- Do we respect and celebrate each other’s differences?
- Do I respect myself?
Kindness
Kindness is a hugely important part of any relationship. Being kind does not mean being over the top and intense (love-bombing). It is about being caring, gentle, and showing respect.
- Are you caring and empathetic to one another?
- Do you feel supported and comforted by each other?
- Are you there for each other during difficult times?
- Do you support each other’s dreams and ambitions?
Open communication
A healthy relationship thrives on open and honest communication. Make time to talk, even if you have busy schedules. Whether it’s chatting about your day, future plans, or things that bother you, speaking and listening with care is important.
- Do we listen to each other in a way that’s considerate and thoughtful?
- Do we make time to talk to each other?
- Do we give each other space to speak and be heard?
Healthy conflict
Disagreements happen, and that’s okay! The important thing is how you handle them. When you have a conflict, ask yourself:
- Do we disagree sometimes, but work through it?
- Are we respectful in how we communicate when we have conflict?
- Do we stay calm and considerate with each other?
- Do we respond without judgement?
- Do we, as much as possible, come to a compromise that allows both of us to feel heard?
Boundaries
Healthy boundaries and knowing your limits are a crucial part of any healthy relationship. When thinking about boundaries, consider:
- Do we feel able to be honest with each other about our needs, wants and limits?
- Can we share our preferences with each other in a way that is respected?
- Do we trust that we will respect each other’s boundaries?
Independence
Independence is taking care of you. And when you prioritise your own wellbeing, you can better support those around you. But what does independence, while also being kind, look like in a relationship?
- Do we spend time doing other things, independently, outside of the relationship?
- Do we spend quality times with other people?
- Do we set boundaries and create space if needed?
- Do we try new things, with new people, separately as well as together?
- Do we respect each other’s time, interest and hobbies?
Equality
Equality is when the relationship feels balanced and everyone puts the same or similar effort into its success. It does not necessarily mean things being split 50/50 down the middle at all times.
- Do we treat each other with fairness?
- Do we consider each other’s needs, which may be different from our own?
- Do we show curiosity and interest in each other’s lives?
- Do we make decisions together, in a balanced way?
And finally, have fun…
A healthy relationship should be enjoyable, when you’re together and when you’re apart.
- Do we enjoy spending time together?
- Do we bring out the best in each other?
- Do we have a laugh and make each other smile?
- Do we feel we have the space and boundaries to have fun in our own time too?
A healthy relationship should make you feel valued, supported and happy. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts and reach out for support. There are a number of organisations that can help you on our Get Help page.