Louise Harland has spent 15-years working in education in the UK and the USA, both as a classroom teacher and as a researcher in the non-profit sector. She currently teaches year 6 at a primary school in Hertfordshire. Louise is a trustee of LMK, supporting the charity in its work to educate young people about healthy relationships and prevent relationship violence and abuse.
Friendship and the summer break
Long summer holidays bring a welcome break from the pressures of the school year; no homework, no early starts, and no need to tuck in shirts! But six weeks away from school can disrupt all-important friendships that bring happiness and support to young people, loosening or even breaking bonds sustained by the dependable, day-to-day contact school brings. Feeling unsure about who to be friends with when school starts again can be worrying for your child, especially if September is bringing change, be that a new class or a move to a new school.
Transitions can feel daunting
If your child is facing such a transition, perhaps moving from year 6 to year 7, or changing schools or classes for another reason, they might hear reassuring comments like, “Don’t worry, everyone’s in the same boat.” But it doesn’t always feel that way to them.
Your child might worry that other people already know each other, from clubs or activities, or through siblings or family connections. Even if they’re moving up with familiar faces, they might worry about how old friendships might alter in the whirlwind of new people, new choices and new expectations that a big change brings. This is tough. Starting anew isn’t easy, and feeling nervous or scared are both very reasonable reactions to the unknown.
The power of kindness in new relationships
In LMK workshops, we talk about the importance of kindness in healthy relationships. Encourage your child to be the person who makes a great first impression and helps someone else feel welcome. It could be as simple as a smile, offering someone a place to sit if they’re looking lost, or sharing a piece of important information that’ll help them work out where to go or what to do. Those small gestures are remembered, and they can mark the start of lasting friendships.
When your child looks back on their first day, they’ll remember the people who were kind. Encourage your child to try to be one of those positive memories on someone else’s first day, too.
The importance of independence, trust, and branching out
When your child does make a new friend, there can be a temptation to stick to them like glue. Strong bonds are built by living through a shared experience, and this may well be the start of a friendship that supports and sustains them both for years to come.
But it’s important to remember that, just because your child has made a friend, they can still branch out and make more. Independence and trust are signs of a healthy friendship. Equally, it’s not a bad thing if a new friend wants to get to know other people too. Whatever happens over time, a healthy friendship is never nurtured by isolating someone.
Boundaries matter
Eagerness to be included, or wanting to fit in, can lead children to try things they’ve not done before or they’re unsure about. If your child feels pressured to do something that makes them uncomfortable, reassure them it’s OK to say no.
A good friend will respect boundaries. In a healthy friendship, you can be honest and say how you feel. You can build a healthy friendship without doing everything together.
Finding common interests
One way for your child to build new bonds is to get involved with something at school that they are interested in. Some people seem to find it easy to chat to anyone about anything, but for many, it’s easier to break the ice when you’ve got something in common to talk about. Joining a club, sports team or activity can help because shared interests create natural opportunities to connect. Volunteering or taking part in school projects also gives children common experiences to bond over, making friendships easier to form.
Friendships take time
By the end of week one, it might seem like some people have settled in already and made a whole group of new friends, but remind your child to try not to feel in a rush; that friendships take time and social circles shift constantly in the first months of a new school year. As weeks and months go by, groups will change and rearrange, over and over, as people get to know each other, break some connections and make new ones. Encourage your child not to put pressure on themselves, to be patient, explore different opportunities, and allow friendships to develop naturally. Healthy friendships grow over time and they’ll be the ones that will be by your side in the new chapter that’s just beginning.
Find out more about our workshops
Get in touch with us on info@justletmeknow.org to find out more about our workshops and how we can support your pupils to learn about healthy and unhealthy relationships.