9 February 2026
With the brand-new BBC adaptation of Lord of the Flies hitting our screens – written by Jack Thorne, the creative force behind Netflix’s Adolescence – the conversation around “toxic boyhood” and young people’s relationships has never been more relevant.
William Golding’s classic 1954 novel shows how quickly human behaviour can turn toxic when rules and respect disappear.
But what can the island teach us about spotting healthy and unhealthy relationship behaviours in real life?
1. Look for healthy conflict (Ralph & Piggy)
In the beginning, Ralph and Piggy don’t always agree, but they talk it out. Healthy conflict means being able to disagree without being mean. They listen to each other to keep the signal fire going, showing that you don’t have to be identical to be a team.
2. Watch out for volatility (Jack’s temper)
Jack is the definition of volatility. One minute he’s okay, the next he’s screaming or throwing spears. If you feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” around a friend or partner because you don’t know what will set them off, that’s a red flag.
3. Respect is key (the conch)
The conch shell represents respect. It gives everyone a chance to speak. When Jack’s group destroys it, they’re saying that only the “strongest” voices matter. In a healthy relationship, your opinions should always be valued, no matter who you are.
4. Beware of isolation (leaving the group)
Jack uses isolation to gain power. He pulls the boys away from the main group, making them feel like they can only rely on him. In real life, if someone tries to pull you away from your other friends or family, they are trying to control you.
5. Belittling isn’t “just a joke”
Throughout the book, Jack constantly calls Piggy names and mocks his asthma. This is belittling. If a friend or partner constantly puts you down or makes fun of your insecurities, even if they claim it’s “just a laugh,” it’s unhealthy.
6. Equality vs. power struggles
Ralph tries for equality – everyone helps with the shelters. Jack wants a hierarchy where he is the “Chief.” Healthy relationships are partnerships, not dictatorships.
7. Taking responsibility
When things go wrong, Ralph feels the weight of it. Jack, however, uses deflecting responsibility, blaming “the beast” or others for the chaos he creates. A healthy person owns their mistakes; a toxic one blames everyone else.
8. Trust is the foundation
The boys’ society collapses because trust disappears. Once they start fearing each other, they can’t work together. You should always feel safe and confident that the people close to you have your back.
9. Manipulation is a trap
Jack uses fear of the “Beast” to manipulate the others into following him. If someone uses your fears or emotions to get you to do what they want, that isn’t love – it’s control.
The takeaway
The island became a nightmare because the boys stopped practicing healthy relationship signs. Whether it’s a friendship, a family member, or a romantic partner, use these signs to keep your own “island” a safe place to be.
Want to learn more about healthy and unhealthy relationship signs? Check out our website.